DTHT Episode 15 - Influence Yourself First
Welcome to Do The Hard Thing Episode 15. I am Jason Archer… creator, freedom seeker, leader of self | full time student and part time teacher of self mastery, and today’s theme is “Influence Yourself First”.
So, turn up the volume, put down the distractions and let’s kick this off…
[NOTE: Insert some intro music here | Insert brief description here]
Have you ever started down a path that you felt held a great deal of meaning for you, and then for whatever reason you could not move toward the outcome you wanted to create? Whether it was a Mental, Physical, or Spiritual target you sought, it didn’t matter… there was a part of you that refused to move. This podcast is born from specific idea. Do The Hard Thing is an exploration in human movement.
I have been many things in my life… and ego manic is certainly one of them. Especially as an younger man. I wanted to have an impact on those around me and the world at large, but didn’t realize the first step in doing that is dealing with me. Influencing myself positively. And, some of you listening to this right now might want to change the world… when, really you need to change yourself.
Everything you want radiates from you. So the process begins inside. This is a process of influencing yourself.
When I first started down my path toward personal development and business, I just knew there was a trick to getting what I wanted. Some secret existed outside of me that would magically propel me forward if I only knew what it was… And, I had to find this magic no matter the cost.
This put me on the path toward purchasing business courses, marketing courses, and personal development experiences. And, I invested tens of thousands of dollars in these places with the idea that one of them would hold the golden ticket I needed to take everything to the next level.
And this thinking was both right and wrong.
Here’s what I mean by that: When I finally took the plunge and bought into my first course… it was the PSI Basic Seminar. It consisted of two four hour nights followed by two full days of training. The cost was about 600 dollars per person, and I could re-audit the course as many times as I wanted at no cost forever. Sweet deal.
Sweet deal indeed if you live in an abundance mindset. Even though I knew this would be a good use of time and dollars, I passed on the opportunity when it was first offered to me.
Because I was the king of cheap bastards. I could buy a lot of dirt bike parts with that six bills. And, would routinely do so without batting an eye. After all, what kind of desperate moron spends money to go to a seminar that the internet says is a cult?
The internet is always right. Right? Pay money to throw myself into a cult… no thanks.
So I passed.
Then my phone rang a few days later… and someone on the other end offered me a two for one on the price. Next thing I knew, the girlfriend and I were begrudgingly signed up and all set to attend the Basic Seminar in December of 2008.
And, that was the beginning of my formal introduction to human development. I would go on to spend another 20+ grand in the next year alone on advanced courses and travel to and from.
Notice what had to happen here.
I had to get out of my own way. My scarcity mindset around money almost cost me the last 10 years of accelerated advancement of my self and my businesses and my relationship with my wife.
The first person I had to influence was me.
And, that is a damn near impossible task when you only see the world through your own set of eyes. Even worse, most people do not even use their own eyes… they simply accept as fact all the stories they get from other people, the news media, or their favorite internet platform.
Think about it… how many times to do you hear something from a friend, read a headline or get 30 seconds of soundbites and make up a story in your head that you have the truth? If you follow partisan politics for example, or are outraged at this administration or that president, this type of experience is especially glaring.
How many times would you say someone actually dedicated time from their day to read and verify what they’ve heard… It can’t be many, just judging from the sheer amount of random garbage posted everywhere.
You lose influence over yourself in these situations, and you begin to shape your own reality from third hand “information” (and I use that term loosely) that may or may not be factual.
So how then do I influence myself?
It simply starts with getting the facts… Notice, I said facts, not truth. There is a huge difference.
Imagine, I draw a number 6 on a table in a room when you are not there. Then, I invite you to sit on the side of the table closest to the top side of the 6 so that when you look down, you see a 9. Then I bring in my friend, Corey and sit him on the side of the table closest to the bottom side of the 6 so that when he looks down he sees a 6.
I then ask each of you to tell me the number you see. You say 9 and Corey says 6… and both answers are truth from your perspectives.
But if I ask you to tell me with 100% certainty, whether I meant the number to be 6 or 9 when I wrote it, could you give me a factual answer? After all, neither of you were there! So even though the number you see is true from your perspective, you don’t have any facts you can use to settle the argument over whether the number is actually a 6 or a 9 without getting more information from me.
So, arguing the point would be pointless.
You can see where I’m going with this, your truth from your perspective is relative to your perspective. The facts, however, don’t change. We want to operate from fact…
To gain influence over myself, I have to stop lying to myself about where I am. I can not pretend that I know how I’m showing up for my wife, my business partners, or in any other capacity without some form of factual tracking or feedback from a third party that isn’t viewing the situation I want to impact from my set of eyes.
It has been demonstrated that humans are notoriously wrong when it comes to accurate self assessment. We tend to have what’s called a “Self- Serving Bias”… meaning we tend to look more favorably on ourselves than we otherwise would if we had the facts about our performance.
Facts tend to be black and white, measurable, and clear.
Like this: I have meditated 75 minutes this week. I have lost 42lbs in the last 90 days. I sold 14 new memberships this month. I sent my wife 1 note everyday for the last year.
All of these things represent a standard that one can measure themselves against.
So put this in action, if I claim to want to make 150K as a real estate agent this year (In other words create this result or externality for myself)… with the average commission being 6K, I need to sell 1 house every 2 weeks.
Well, that won’t just happen. I have to make it happen. So how to I influence myself to create the externality?
Assuming it takes 50 leads to get one deal… the question I have to answer is what do I have to do to get 50 leads every 2 weeks? Maybe I have to spend $1000 on ads, do one networking event each week, and follow up with 100 prospects. And, that will give me 50 solid leads and 1 closed deal.
That’s a lot of work to get 1 sale.
And, you don’t feel well today… and the kids kept you up… and the weather was crap… and so on and so forth. What happens to your ability to influence yourself in these circumstances. Can you maintain it or not?
Your ability to influence yourself to move anyway on the daily activity will create your externality… and this is true of any externality you seek. Making a larger impact in your finanaces or business is just one example of how influence over yourself leads to bigger things. And, if you want to influence others… you have to honor the work necessary to influence you first.
That’s it for today! Thank you for listening, and if you found value in this message be sure to subscribe on iTunes, Google Play, Castbox, or Stitcher | Share this with those you know need to hear it on social | And I’ll see you back here in the next episode | This is Jason Archer signing off | Now… go, and DO THE HARD THING.
DTHT Episode 14 - Want It… Like A Kid At Christmas!
Welcome to Do The Hard Thing Episode 14. I am Jason Archer… creator, freedom seeker, leader of self | full time student and part time teacher of self mastery, and today’s theme is “Want It… Like A Kid At Christmas”.
So, turn up the volume, put down the distractions and let’s kick this off…
[NOTE: Insert some intro music here | Insert brief description here]
Have you ever started down a path that you felt held a great deal of meaning for you, and then for whatever reason you could not move toward the outcome you wanted to create? Whether it was a Mental, Physical, or Spiritual target you sought, it didn’t matter… there was some part of you that refused to move. This podcast is born out of that specific idea. Do The Hard Thing is an exploration in human movement.
When was the last time you really wanted something? I mean wanted something so hard you couldn’t rest until you had it?
Aside from getting laid… my experience of most adults is they live on the surface of life in shallow conversations about nothing meaningful, living in repression… and never allowing themselves to REALLY want much of anything. Certainly not enough to go hard after it.
In Walden… Thoreau wrote, “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation. From the desperate city you go into the desperate country, and have to console yourself with the bravery of minks and muskrats”.
Minks and muskrats are not very brave… And, Thoreau makes a good point when it comes to the ability of the average person to stand up for an idea, a want, or a set of principles they claim to believe in.
They are afraid to speak their minds for fear of offending the wrong person.
You’re a business owner who fears losing a customer, you’re an employee fears losing a job, you’re in a relationship and fear being ostracized… In this explosion of PC culture that has been reborn in American Colleges and Universities, I see repressed people doing their best to make their way in a world dying to be offended for even the smallest slight.
What do you do… how do you live out loud in a world with sensitive ears?
The short answer is: You Don’t. You sedate.
You busy yourself with nonsense, material things, and distractions like the latest trash TV show, or the Constantly Negative News channel that only echos back your existing beliefs with no allowance for reasoning or deeper thought around any given topic.
No wonder the US has the highest use of antidepressants in the world… People are living a lie. Living inauthentically. Living out of integrity with what they really want. And, they can’t figure out why their deepest desires will not be filled with another episode of Real Housewives or Game Of Thrones.
There is hope… though. What if you could erase the fears you’ve created as you’ve grown, and create strategic ways of dealing with problems that allowed you let off steam in a way that puts you back on track?
Think of your younger self… that kid you used to be?
What if you could get in touch with him or her… especially the way you were around Christmas and the holidays. Remember how hard you would want a certain toy?
I was a child of the 70’s and 80’s… and growing up each year at Christmas, all the department stores would mail catalogs out to every home they could knowing full well that this time of year money would be more apt to flow their way if they could plant seeds of desire going into the holiday season.
I vividly remember spending hours flipping pages in the Sears Wishbook… It was like Amazon, but in print. They had every toy and bike you could want. It was like holiday crack for 8 year olds.
My brother and I would pass it back and forth, and circle things we wanted, dog ear the pages, cut pictures out, and anything else we could do to make sure Mom and Dad knew which presents we really wanted. It was a big deal for us… This was the one time of the year where we could load up on stuff. We had to take advantage!
We absolutely bombarded our parents with “I want this, I want that”, we’d show them the photos, we’d tell them how cool each thing was… We were so filled with energy and desire around what we wanted that they didn’t stand a chance. They’d tell us no… My brother and I would complain and cry and get mad, then once we processed that… You guessed it, we just kept on hammering home how cool it would be to have that new GI Joe with swivel arm battle grip, and that new intellivision video game, and that new dyno GT bike.
We were relentless. They’d tell us no again… My brother and I would whine and moan and get mad until we processed it out of our system. Then we’d start the process of wanting all over again.
And guess what, we almost always got everything we wanted and then some!
But why.. What strategy did we unknowingly employ as kids to create such great results under the Christmas tree?
Well, let’s see: First, we identified what we wanted under the tree. The Wishbook was a huge help in this endeavor… filling our heads with all kinds of ways to bankrupt our parents.
Secondly, we got really excited about the possibilities… so much so that we attached emotion to the things we wanted and painted ourselves into the vision of how it would feel to have these things.
Then, we took our desires to the people who could help us fulfill that vision: Mom, Dad, Aunts, Uncles, and Grandparents on both sides.
After we presented our wants to the various people we knew who could help us, we went through the process of rejection… One by one, we collected no’s, we’ll see’s, and maybe’s.
We then processed the negative emotions we felt fully… when we were told no. Meaning whether by pouting, or just acting like little assholes, we experienced the emotion fully so we could release it.
Once we released the emotion… We could get back on task and start the process of wanting all over again, free of distraction and focused on our next angle of attack and influence so that Christmas morning looked like we wanted it to look.
Now, I’m sure you noticed the parallel here. And, how it relates to what you want as an adult.
The problem isn’t that as adults we stop wanting… hell, I want all the time. The problem is that when we meet disappointment or failure or embarrassment, the emotion that we feel we hold onto. Then, we use that emotion to create a story about the situation that justifies us staying exactly where we are now rather than pushing forward.
When, what we really ought to do is process the emotion… experience the situation fully so we can write a new story that empowers us.
Maybe for you that’s yelling, maybe that’s crying, maybe it’s solitude… whatever it is, the only way out is through. And, once you’re through you can see clearly and tell yourself a new story about what happened. See it for what it is and start the process again and again until you get the result you want.
Your ability to persist will depend on the story you tell yourself. If my brother and I told ourselves no matter what we did, we weren’t going to get the Christmas we wanted, then we would’ve quit at the first no. But we didn’t and neither does any kid… they want it too hard. And, they will tell themselves whatever story they need to in order to make their vision a reality. The story I ran with as a kid was if I kept at it, I’d eventually get a maybe, and if I could get a maybe I could get a yes.
So how about you… what are you not allowing yourself to want? What did you go for and get shot down so hard you got embarrassed or pissed off and decided that your story was one of victimhood. And, everytime you think about that time you still feel negative energy around it. You’ve got to do the hard thing and process that shit out of your system. Find a place where you can release, yell, scream, or whatever you need to do without scaring the neighbors so you can fully experience that thing and write a new story that fuels you to want again.
That’s it for today! Thank you for listening, and if you found value in this message be sure to subscribe on iTunes, Google, Castbox, or Stitcher | Share this with those you know need to hear it on social | And I’ll see you back here in the next episode | This is Jason Archer signing off | Now… go, and DO THE HARD THING.